I felt that during this time, I should choose to focus on something positive so this post is going to be just that. So let’s talk about the return of JJ.
I mentioned in Trust My Lonely that JJ and I were no longer friends but his prior return was the beginning of me digging myself out of the dark abyss. I’m choosing not to discuss the events that happened after his exit in my life nor am I going to discuss what caused him to leave in the first place – this is a happy post and that’s what we’re going to focus on.
JJ and I have been best friends for years with a weird habit of coming and going out of each other’s lives. His last exit was probably the most painful exit I had experienced. However, somehow my persistence to have this man in my life paid off. I kept my actual feelings for him hidden for years because I was afraid of ruining the friendship but three years ago, and enduring a tumultuous marriage, I realized that there was no one on this earth that I would rather my spend my time with than this man.
We’re going to skip over the events of me divulging that information and the aftermath.
They say timing is everything, and three years ago time was not our side but now that I have him, our romantic relationship has been a blessing. Being with someone who is committed to better understanding my rapid cycling Bipolar II Disorder, my ADHD, my OCD, my SAD, and my anxiety is a blessing. To be with someone who shows concern instead of anger because something has flared has allowed me to continue to thrive while living with my mental illnesses. As I’ve said before, I truly believe that your environment, and those in it, can make or break you and if that environment is making you sick, you cannot heal in it.
So what’s the whole purpose of this post, Lee? It’s not because I’m choosing to brag, not in the least. It’s because social distancing has isolated me from one of my biggest cheerleaders, one of the sources of encouragement and support. My parents are amazing individuals and yes, they are a huge part as to why I’ve made it as far as I have after succumbing to and using my mental illness as a crutch as to why I couldn’t be great. I’ve waited years to be in a relationship with this man, and now it’s like we’re in a long-distance relationship and we’re only fifteen minutes away from each other.
I didn’t realize how much visual contact could be beneficial at this time until we got on Facebook video and we watched several episodes of 9-1-1. It was the closest thing I could get to physically being with him and after having received bad news, uplifted me in ways I couldn’t imagine. I’ve taken advantage of tomorrow with him and I am truly regretting that now.
Dating is hard in itself, relationships take work, and being apart from your partner for an indefinite time can make you feel pretty shitty. But all of this is to say, it truly is the little things during this time that can surprise you – they’re going to mean a lot more than you realize at the moment. If you’re away from any of your loved ones, take a break from texting, don’t just call them, see them – whether that’s through Skype, Facetime, Facebook video call, IG video call, Whatsapp video, whatever! Seeing the people that you love no matter the distance can reignite some hope and lift some of the despair we’re all feeling and give us something to look forward to beyond the four walls of our house. We all need something to look forward to and this could be the one thing you need, too.
Until next time – Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease <3
BITD is a blog designed to educate on mental illness and maintain mental wellness through personal experiences.